I’m Latin my imagination Rome wild on love’s big day

The first thing I should admit is I know nothing of Latin. So to those who do know what they’re talking about, I do sincerely apologise. But this was fun. Googling and Binging for Latin phrases (and translation) and then cutting & pasting them to create some sort of poetic order was a puzzling pleasure. This is not my usual thing but I felt I should strive for something to compliment this occasion, this day. Happy Valentine’s Day.

Tibi magno cum amore
“For you with great love”

Diem praeclarum
Bene est mihil
Magister mundi sum
Non sum qualis eram
Dicere quae puduit, scribere jussit amor

Magno cum gaudio
Sub dio
Scala Caeli
Sanctum sanctorum
Te amo
Semper te amabo
Ab imo pectore
Quaque mane
Fide et amor
Quaque nocte
Ad vitam
Ad vitam aeternam
Numquam te amare desistam

Amor est spiritus qui nos alet
Amor est vitae essentia
Si vis amari, ama
Jungit amor
Aere Perennius
Hoc est verum et nihili nisi verum
Vincit omnia veritas
Nunc scio quid sit amor
Sine te non potero vivere
Magnas inter oper inops

Pignus amoris habes
Annuit coeptis
Quis separabit?
Quo iure?
Quo animo?
Puris omnia pura
Tabula rasa
Veritate et virtute
Sapientia et Doctrina
Studeamus nos nunc amare
Vive mente, corde ama
Omnia vincit amor, nos et cedamus amori

Selume proferre
Stupor mundi
Infunde amorem cordibus
Ad infinitum
Sic transit gloria mundi
Maxima vitae voluptas est Amor
Splendor sine occasu


“Oh, what a beautiful day”
“I am well”
“I am the master of the universe”
“I am not what I used to be”
“What I was ashamed to say, love has commanded me to write”

“With great joy”
“I confess”
“Under the open sky”
“The ladder of heaven”
“The holy of holies”
“I love”
“I love you”
“I shall always love you”
“From the bottom of my heart”
“Every morning”
“Faithfully and lovingly”
“Every night”
“For life” 
“For all time”
“I’ll never stop loving you“

“Love is the breath that sustains us”
“Love is the essence of life”
“If you wish to be loved, love”
“Love unites”
“More lasting than bronze”
“This is the truth and nothing but the truth”
“The truth conquers all”
“Now I know what love is”
“Without you I cannot live”
“A pauper in the midst of wealth”

“You have the pledge of love”
“God has favoured us”
“Who shall separate us?”
“By what law?”
“With what spirit?”
“To the pure all things are pure”
“A clean slate”
“With truth and courage”
“Wisdom and Learning” 
“Let us now study the art of love”
“Live with your head, but love with your heart”
“Love conquers all things, let us too yield to love”

“Go with me”
“Towards the light”
“The wonder of the world”
“Pour love into our hearts”
“To infinity without end”
“Thus passes the glory of the world” 
“The greatest pleasure of life is love”
“Splendour without end”

John Cleese is going to cut my balls off.

Searching for my Princess Buttercup (so we can have sex).

Each one of us is searching for a Princess Buttercup
A special kind of “True Love” who likes a good hard fuck
But finding one’s not easy like it’s told in Fairy Tales
You kiss a Sleeping Beauty and they’ll cart your arse to jail
So to find this perfect woman I’ve gone and borrowed from a list –
Of some positive personal traits for this “One” I’d like to kiss
There’s Confident, Ambitious, Romantic… Hang on, that’s boring shit
What’s wrong with “Fucks on first dates” and when drunk will flash her tits?
Someone who’ll get her clothes off when you’re down or trifle blue
Stripping till you’re happy, hard and she’s entirely nude

I’m not looking for the “Perfect One.” Just one that’s right for me
Someone to say “I LOVE YOU” too and “Bitch, get on your knees”
Who wakes you on your Birthday by sucking madly on your cock
And smiles and keeps on gobbling knob, when your loads about to pop
Or maybe as a special treat will go pick-up women in a bar
To bring back home for girl-on-girl… and end with ménage à trios
She doesn’t mind the rug burn from doing doggy on the floor
And who likes to have her hair pulled while called a slutty whore
Who’ll happily take a fucking be it throat or cunt or bum
And only asks in return is that you fuck her full of cum

But it’s not just sex I’m looking for so don’t get the wrong idea
Sure I want a “dirty slut” but also “My Sweet”, “My Love”, “My dear”
In summer to take on picnics and by the lake we’ll feed the ducks
Then lay, just us, beneath the sun and have a good long… talk (about the state of the economy)
We’ll walk for hours among the trees to watch the deer and birds
Then hump like bunnies beneath the stars as we whisper loving words
I know she’s out there somewhere cross the sea or down the road
To give my heart and soul to and cross her face a sticky load
I know she’s looking for me too (Hint: I’m on PornTube every night)
My One True Slut… who I’ll love with heart and cock… and forever with all my might

I confess it’s not a big confess but I confess it anyway.

I was recently told by someone very special that I am a “unique” individual. At the time of making the comment she was doing lots of moaning and groaning so I took her meaning to be of the complementary kind. But what is it that makes me unique? Or maybe a better question is, what is that makes me, me? As this blog has a strong leaning to sex and porn I thought I’d give you a small insight into where I think parts of my present-day sexuality comes from.

Now I could give a big part of it to K.G. (my next door neighbour) who was the first female to let me into her undies and take my cock into her mouth but since this happened before either of us reached ten years of age I put those experiences down to just happy childhood memories and maybe, just maybe, why I have a thing for older women (she’s two months older than me).

No, the two women who had the biggest influence on my burgeoning sexuality would have to be my mother and my old sister…


OK, can we continue now?

If you have been following my attempts at epic poetry you’ll be quite familiar with This is (not a) sonnet XXX and the opening stanza of:

Oh porn… How do I love thee? Let me count the ways
Mags, books and VHS. Internet, 3-D and Blu-ray.
Since tiny teen with nary downy-fuzz around my cock
Reading Jackie Collins novels and humping pair of socks.

But originally it read something like this:

Oh porn… How do I love thee? Let me count the ways
Mags, books and VHS. Internet, 3-D and Blu-ray.
Since tiny teen with nary downy-fuzz around my cock
Reading Mum’s romance novels and humping pair of socks.

Yes that’s right. My first introduction to hardcore sex was from Mills & Boon romance novels. You might scoff but these were a sure fire way to read graphic sex scenes and boy did I read a lot. I read enough to know the first sex scene would usually come somewhere between pages 90-110. Sure, I read them for the sex but I did usually finish the whole book so maybe this proves while I am a sex-fiend I’m also a romantic sex-fiend.

Oh now there’s an interesting question. Did the romance novels make me romantic in later years or was I drawn to the romance novels because it was always in me? I also read a lot of historical romance novels back then and I’m a big history buff now so which came first and which influenced which?

I still read today for “Teh Sex.” Sure the language has changed and there are a few more gangbangs but you can’t beat a well written story to stir the mind and loins in a way that no video can.

Now it wasn’t exactly my sister who was the other big influence but her boyfriend. He was the one that supplied me with my first dozen beers, first “I’ll never do that again” hangover and my first glance at hardcore pornography. First there was the videos and in the mid 80’s it was true video of the VHS kind. Now I think the film that started me off was Dracula Erotica but I can’t be sure. What I can be sure of is I remember lying in front of the TV on a big cushion and thinking this is the best thing I’ve ever seen and I’m going to sneak back down after everyone has gone to bed and watch it again. Oh, and I had a constant hard-on all through the movie. Yay for being age fourteen again.

But he didn’t just open my eyes to video but magazines as well. I’m not talking Playboy with its “artistic” and air-brushed models but those magazines where you had actual people doing actual fucking and while they weren’t as life-like as video they were still graphic enough and more importantly portable enough to take to my bedroom for some serious and quality alone-time.

From then on I’m pretty much like every other boy who didn’t have a girlfriend and so had to rely on book, video, magazines and my dominant hand for sexual companionship. I could start a rant about how kids today just don’t know how lucky they are to have porn so available through the internet, but it will just come out jealous and bitter so I’ll leave it there. So thanks Mum and thanks Sis for making me happy and turning out such a well adjusted and romantic sex-fiend.

OK so maybe this isn’t the biggest of insights but you have to start somewhere. :)


The orgasm fades. I can at last start to think again, to turn rational thought to words. I lie above you with arms taking most of my weight but we are still joined. I feel you fluttering around me as my hardness recedes. The aching need for you has gone, for now, but the greater desire still remains. You move beneath me like you’re stretching in the warmth of hot summer heat. Long smooth legs slide along mine and arms gently roam across my back and down my sides feeling, touching… connecting. Your body holds me but something greater pulls me in, binds me to you so that not even an act of God could break this bond between us. I feel your breasts soft and full against my chest but for the moment my lust for your flesh is sated so their touch is but a reminder of your beauty… and oh how beautiful you are. What I see before me is what artists and poets have tried to capture for eons and while I admire their endeavours I also pity them for their utter failure. For no line of text or crafted image has ever come close to the true essence of beauty such as what lies beneath me.  But I know the lust will return and your touch, or just a glance, will awaken in me a hunger, a need, that I may crave to fulfil but hope will return again and again. I burn with need for your pleasures but I am consumed with the want to pleasure you. But that is a future beyond this instant in time and all I want right now is for this embrace to feel like it will last forever. I meet your eyes, such lovely eyes, and you smile. Just a smile but it is a smile bestowed upon me and it feels as if the sun has risen inside me. Filling me with such warmth and emotion that I believe anything and everything is truly possible and we can stay entwined in this moment of our bodies loving glow forever.

So tell me a little something about yourself…

I’m not a big fan of social networks but since I have met some nice people I shouldn’t slag it off too much. But once you connect with people you have to “connect” with them or else all those “Friends” become just a number and their pictures as relevant to you as the stock images that come with a new photo frame.

But once you’ve learnt things about a person, then what? How about take some of those little nuggets of information and seed a poem with them to make it more personal and also to prove you do pay attention to what they tell you. :)

She needs a massage

I see you are tired from a long day at work
With customers giving grief and your boss being a jerk
But I’ve got a solution for the end of your day
A long, slow massage. So what do you say?

There’ll be music, candles and oils that you like…
And by your upside-down frown I can see you are psyched
So come to the bedroom and take off that dress
And I’ll soothe from your mind and your body all stress.

Now strip it all off. Yes, even those tiny purple panties
We wouldn’t want oil to stain those fine frilly scanties
Now lie on the bed and let your body just rest…
And I’ll give you my all, to give you only my best.

Some cinnamon candles to scent and soften the mood
To flicker and dance across your body all nude
Some relaxing music on, this one’s whales singing.
For pleasure and peace this night will be bringing.

Oil temperature tested, first on my warm palms
Then to slide up your back, over shoulders, down arms
I can tell this is working from your sighs and soft moans
But when I get to your arse it’s ME that must groan.

But resisting temptation I work slowly down thighs
And if they did part slightly, I’ll blame it merely on my eyes
Past knee and firm calf to green painted, dainty toes
That I tickle with kisses as heady Cedar oil fills my nose.

I have a satisfied customer if that’s purring you’re doing
And now turn right on over so your front is a viewing
Which brings to clear focus you’re a natural brunette
With small tattoo on her thigh of a frog named Kermit.

The smile on your face says this is just so much fun
But hold on my Peaches, only half the job’s been done
So close your eyes, relax, and just let it all go
Till my hands, oil and pleasure are all that you know.

This time I’ll start working from feet up to head
Past dark curls, pink peaks quickly flushing to red
I’m so manfully proud not showing favour to the breasts
Focusing as much on your groin as I do on your chest.

Till my hands frame a face that if gone… forever I’d miss.
And lay on smiling lips a love declaring soft kiss
And as you lie there feeling my oily touch from above
I promise… what you see in my eyes, for you is nothing but love.

Of the lovely Lady Sam

Of the lovely Lady Sam

Good gentlemen and women
I loudly must declare
I’ve met a comely Lady
Of splendour true and fair.

A diamond of the first water
Whose spirit burns like fire
Well-turned ankle, fulsome bosom
To rouse red-blooded desire.

But do not only gaze, dear suitor
For she you must engage
And match her wit and knowledge of
The scroll and learned page.

For pet, she has a dragon
A quarrelsome, fearsome beast
Who on such delicate maidens
It usually would did feast.

But beauty, love and kindliness
Tamed its ravenous roar
And now it begs for favours
Before her on the floor.

So be wary, prince or pauper
Of its fire, its claw, its teeth
For if all you seek is dalliance
All you’ll gets a funeral wreath.

For only he of love and honour
The worthiest, noblest man
May request the hand and heart
Of the lovely Lady Sam.

Image: Chris Dien

Me trying to be romantic… Oh dear! – Part Two.

All through the day to be with you

Monday morning such a rush.
Burnt the toast, missed the bus.
Crowd awaiting at the door;
Want my all, then some more.
But I don’t care because I’m thinking of you.

Email mountain, phone keeps ringing.
Need a cuppa, kettle’s singing
Grab a swig, love the bean,
Cold as ice, next time it’s seen.
Don’t care, because I got a text from you.

Half the day, been and gone
Time for lunch? Dead wrong!
Invoices, orders, big to-do list,
Stock takes, spreadsheets, can’t be missed.
Damn it, I missed a call from you.

Boss enquires, to work late?
Help the team, be a mate.
Extra money always welcome
Overtime rate, see it seldom.
But no, because I want to spend my time with you.

Log-off, lock-up, fly out the place
Through cold dark towards your face,
Standing only, crowded steaming bus
Wearily jostled by the evening rush.
But I smile, because I’m heading home to you.

At end of street, house in sight
Welcomed by the outside light,
Key in door, home at last
The outside world’s all in the past.
Because I am here, together, once more with you.

Me trying to be romantic… Oh dear! – Part One.

I had the brilliant idea of recording some audio files to complement the poems I wrote. I wanted to convey to the reader how the poem sounded to me in case what I had written differed from what they’d read due to my poor punctuation skills. But unfortunately I seem to have no ability to read my own words aloud without making countless mistakes. That, and like most people I don’t like the sound of my own voice, has persuaded me to put this experiment on hold for now. Which is a shame because I’m quite fond of my own voice. Maybe I need to do this kind of thing drunk? Now that would be interesting.

After the snow: Part one

You shout, “It’s finally snowing!”
Mischievous sparkle in your eye
Open the door, unbutton your shirt,
Dropping jeans, with a whooping cry.

Rush out to night and falling flakes
Purest laughter the only sound
You spin, arms wide, till I catch up
Then naked we fall to the ground.

I hold you close but not for warmth
Fingers scolding on snow chilled skin
You meet my eyes, all amusement dies
Entwined we make both love and sin.

The rush, the need, sated for now
We clamber from the Ice-Queen’s bed
Hand in hand towards heat and hearth
Your body leads and my heart is lead.

Every day is the day to have both your cake and eat it.

I know I did Cake & Cunnilingus Day last week but if you don’t want to be single the rest of your life then, “Every day should be Cake and Cunnilingus Day!” Anyway that post was mostly the cake part.

I was having one of those nights where sleep doesn’t come easy. I’m just laying in the dark twiddling my thumbs with my mind mulling over all sorts of things when suddenly a couple of lines come to mind. Then there’s a few more and suddenly I’m turning on the light to jot down these, what I hope is funny, lines.

For Peaches

Forget the cake

I missed Cake & Cunnilingus Day?
How did I not know?
Especially after you showed the way
Last month with Steak & Blow

So let me make it up to you
Go get comfy on the bed
Bid your panties a polite adieu
‘Cause I’d love to give you head

I can tell you really like this idea
And that it’s sage and wise
By your undies flyin’ past my ear
And the parting of your thighs

So let’s see what you’ve got down here
Although I’ve seen before
A view to make me stop and stare
And of which I’m never bored

Pink and perfect and slightly damp
But that I’ll change quite soon
Lips-lock or is it more a cunni-clamp?
And can anyone say… MONSOON!

I want to stick my tongue in there
I so want to eat you out
‘tween juicy lips and curly hair
And make you scream and shout!

Though not quite sure if I’m good at it
Always happy to have a go
To run my tongue from arse to clit
And savour sweet pussy’s flow

Now this is all about your pleasure
I’m here to get you hot
So guide my head at your leisure
Till you have me at THE spot

I’ll do whatever you want my dear
I want to make you proud
But as your thighs do block my ears
Directives should be quite loud

Tonguing, sucking, licking, flicking
Oh baby I’m in the grove
Nails scratching and hair pulling
Announce you do approve

But it’s not only my mouth at work
Fingers stroke that inner bump
My smile well hidden as you go berserk
And my face you start to hump

Your hues and cries ring loud and clear
I hope no one call the cops
For even they from your grip couldn’t tear –
Me, Till your body’s shaking stops

We both agree that was great fun
But let’s give my jaw a break
And then we’ll give it a another run
Then later … maybe we can have some steak?