The end is NOT nigh… but just in case.

I’ve been a little ill the last day or so. It came on slowly then jumped me like a large jumping thing that jumps on you. It was so bad that at one point I had the delusional thought, as I lay in bed curled round my pillow, that “Day Time” television wasn’t really so bad and in fact quite entertaining and educational.

Fuck, I was ill!

But in between the delusional episodes were moments of perfect clarity. I’m not just talking about the “I hope I can make it to the toilet before…” type moments but the kind where you realise you are not going to be on this green and pleasant earth forever and so maybe it’s time to make arrangements. I’m not saying I was dying, although it felt like it and since I’m not getting any younger I believe it’s time I took steps and prepare for the eventuality of my demise.

It is time to get myself a “Porn Buddy.”

Inspirational Monday 11/7

Love and Friendship

Tell me all your hopes and fears
Tell me because I love and care
Tell me if you’re feeling down or low
Tell me because it’s my job to know
Tell me secrets that I’ll never reveal
Tell me because my lips are sealed
Tell me because I’ve an ear to lend
Tell me because I am your friend

Image via

Hey-Hey, It’s your Birthday.

From your PLF.

So let me tell you a short tale of a good friend I met
In a third floor kitchen and by the name of Paulette
She prefers trainers, jeans to high heels and a dress
Veritable writer of fine prose and a talented poetess
She likes walks by the river with her camera in hand
To capture the seasons as they pass across the land
Full of hugs and smiles and always kindest of thought
Who’ll lend her helping hand to the sad or distraught
Always keen for a sit down to chat over coffee or tea
Just a good-hearted soul who’s been best friend to me
Well today it’s her birthday and although we’re apart
I want to send her big love from bottom of my heart
And although we’re restricted to communicate by Net
It doesn’t stop me from saying,
I miss you, I love you,
Happy Birthday Paulette.

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Would you mind threading some metal through the hole you just poked in me?

Tragus_RingJust been checking Facebook and saw a friend’s post.  Before you say anything, I first have to say that she is in fact a “Real” friend and not just a “Facebook friend”.  She is someone I have met personally, in person.  I have been to her house, eaten her food, and been dragged around malls for hours while she looked for clothes.  I’m in her “friend’s zone”.  She has given me the gravest insult with “You’re like a brother to me.”  But she has also uttered those words that every man longs to hear, asking me to “Put some clothes on.  My husband is at the door.”  So to “M” I say, “I have been and always shall be your friend. Live long and prosper.”  Sorry about that; there was a Star Trek triple feature on over the weekend.

So her post asks “..if a tragus piercing hurts?”  What’s a tragus?  Never heard of it.  So over to our good friends at Wikipedia and all is explained.  Actually it’s a little embarrassing.  You would think after all those years of watching medical programs on TV like “ER”, “Bones” and “Scrubs” that there would be no part of the human body that I would not recognise.  I guess there is more to being a doctor than a white coat and having lots of sex.

So to cut a long story short I sent a reply with a counter suggestion that she should get a hip piercing.  I know what you are thinking.  Why not suggest clit or nipple?  Well because a tragus piercing indicates that she is not looking for something too extreme.  Also, she’s (almost) a “Good Girl” and would never let me see the pictures, so what’s the point?

So her comment got me thinking about the wonderful world of body modification.  I myself have not had my body “upgraded”.  It’s just not my thing.  I’m not sure whether this is due to not liking holes being poked through me or that I really am not a jewellery person.  Maybe it’s a little of both.

I just don’t see the point of it all.  Earrings hang from the ears, fine.  But what about all those other piercing that are full of rings and barbell type objects.  Could it be that I am just a “practical” type person who likes things to be useful as well as decretive.  How about combing piercing with something else to give it a purpose?  Take those strange people that have purity rings and go for the whole abstinence thing.  If we took two purity rings and did some piercing and top it off with a pad-lock; then everyone is happy.  Not sure what we would do for the men.  Maybe a really big bar through the end?  Now we have something that is both interesting and useful.

To be honest the first thing that comes to mind when people talk about piercings, is airport security.  Flying internationally these days is hard enough, and the last thing you want to do is set off the metal detectors and draw the attention of the authorities. The “worst” case scenario is that you get shot, and the “best” is that you spend a couple of hours with some latex covered hand up your arse looking for Osama bin Larden.

This has also reminded me that I will have to ask “M” if she got the tattoo she was planning.  But tattoos are another story and deserve their own post.