Twitter has just informed me today is Cake and Cunnilingus Day! Thank you, Ms Naughty.
How did I not know about this?
On one level the whole thing is moot as I don’t have a girlfriend to celebrate it with. I know that March 14th is pretty cool for guys with its “Steak and Blowjob Day.” But honestly I’m not really a steak person and much more in favour of the cake thing. Also, if I’m being really honest, I much prefer to “go down” than be gone down on. Hey, I’m not saying I don’t like having my cock sucked. What man doesn’t? But I really, Really, REALLY do get off on getting the ladies off. Maybe it’s because I like giving pleasure, or being in control, or maybe I just like sticking my tongue in some yummy lady bits but I can’t think of a better way to spend a quiet afternoon… and evening… and into the wee hours; where I’m sorry to say I have to stop because my jaw is totally numb (but give me a couple hours rest and I’ll be ready to go again).
I thought I’d go to Google Images and grab some appropriate (or should it be inappropriate?) photos to illustrate this most joyous of days. Hey I’d even be happy to go buy a nice greeting card for the occasion if I thought Hallmark did one. But I was shocked, appalled and totally by the result I got. I typed in “Cunnilingus” (Safe-Search set to moderate) and the first photo I got was of new born panda twins. WTF! Now you can make some sexist generalisation about chicks liking cuddly pandas and all things cutesy BUT NOT WHILE SHE’S HAVING HER PUSSY EATEN! No wonder so many women are unsatisfied in the bedroom and don’t tell me it’s all because of the romance novels and rat porn.
So after searching through all the porn, which disappointedly was mainly girl-on-girl (come on guys do your bit), I came across this lovely shot which I think encapsulates the true meaning of the day. While we all like to think we invented sex (I have a patent pending for the 69 position) the act of muff-diving is as old as time and been celebrated just as long.
But since I can’t love me a lady today I offer up this favourite recipe for a lemon cake instead.
Fresh Lemon Loaf
125 g (4 oz.) butter
1 cup castor sugar
1 cup self-raising flour
1/2 cup plain flour
1/2 cup milk
1/2 teaspoon salt
2 teaspoons grated lemon rind
1/3 cup lemon juice
1/4 cup castor sugar, extra
Cream butter and sugar until light and fluffy.
Add eggs one at a time, beat well after each addition.
Sift flour and salt, add alternatively with milk; add lemon rind
Pour into greased 20cm x 10cm (8in. X 4in.) loaf tin, bake in oven at 190-200⁰C (375-400⁰F) for 40 to 45 minutes.
Mix lemon juice with extra sugar; stir until sugar dissolves.
When cake is cooked and hot from oven, pour over the lemon mixture.
Leave to cool in tin.
The Australian Woman’s Weekly. (1972). 100 Favourite Cakes. Sydney: Golden Press.