I confess it’s not a big confess but I confess it anyway.

I was recently told by someone very special that I am a “unique” individual. At the time of making the comment she was doing lots of moaning and groaning so I took her meaning to be of the complementary kind. But what is it that makes me unique? Or maybe a better question is, what is that makes me, me? As this blog has a strong leaning to sex and porn I thought I’d give you a small insight into where I think parts of my present-day sexuality comes from.

Now I could give a big part of it to K.G. (my next door neighbour) who was the first female to let me into her undies and take my cock into her mouth but since this happened before either of us reached ten years of age I put those experiences down to just happy childhood memories and maybe, just maybe, why I have a thing for older women (she’s two months older than me).

No, the two women who had the biggest influence on my burgeoning sexuality would have to be my mother and my old sister…

NOW STOP RIGHT THERE. I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE THINKING AND YOU ARE SO FAR OFF THE TRUTH IT ISN’T FUNNY. SO JUST GET THOSE BAD THOUGHTS OUT OF YOUR HEAD.

OK, can we continue now?

If you have been following my attempts at epic poetry you’ll be quite familiar with This is (not a) sonnet XXX and the opening stanza of:

Oh porn… How do I love thee? Let me count the ways
Mags, books and VHS. Internet, 3-D and Blu-ray.
Since tiny teen with nary downy-fuzz around my cock
Reading Jackie Collins novels and humping pair of socks.

But originally it read something like this:

Oh porn… How do I love thee? Let me count the ways
Mags, books and VHS. Internet, 3-D and Blu-ray.
Since tiny teen with nary downy-fuzz around my cock
Reading Mum’s romance novels and humping pair of socks.

Yes that’s right. My first introduction to hardcore sex was from Mills & Boon romance novels. You might scoff but these were a sure fire way to read graphic sex scenes and boy did I read a lot. I read enough to know the first sex scene would usually come somewhere between pages 90-110. Sure, I read them for the sex but I did usually finish the whole book so maybe this proves while I am a sex-fiend I’m also a romantic sex-fiend.

Oh now there’s an interesting question. Did the romance novels make me romantic in later years or was I drawn to the romance novels because it was always in me? I also read a lot of historical romance novels back then and I’m a big history buff now so which came first and which influenced which?

I still read today for “Teh Sex.” Sure the language has changed and there are a few more gangbangs but you can’t beat a well written story to stir the mind and loins in a way that no video can.

Now it wasn’t exactly my sister who was the other big influence but her boyfriend. He was the one that supplied me with my first dozen beers, first “I’ll never do that again” hangover and my first glance at hardcore pornography. First there was the videos and in the mid 80’s it was true video of the VHS kind. Now I think the film that started me off was Dracula Erotica but I can’t be sure. What I can be sure of is I remember lying in front of the TV on a big cushion and thinking this is the best thing I’ve ever seen and I’m going to sneak back down after everyone has gone to bed and watch it again. Oh, and I had a constant hard-on all through the movie. Yay for being age fourteen again.

But he didn’t just open my eyes to video but magazines as well. I’m not talking Playboy with its “artistic” and air-brushed models but those magazines where you had actual people doing actual fucking and while they weren’t as life-like as video they were still graphic enough and more importantly portable enough to take to my bedroom for some serious and quality alone-time.

From then on I’m pretty much like every other boy who didn’t have a girlfriend and so had to rely on book, video, magazines and my dominant hand for sexual companionship. I could start a rant about how kids today just don’t know how lucky they are to have porn so available through the internet, but it will just come out jealous and bitter so I’ll leave it there. So thanks Mum and thanks Sis for making me happy and turning out such a well adjusted and romantic sex-fiend.

OK so maybe this isn’t the biggest of insights but you have to start somewhere. :)

Fond memories of porn and… umm… other activities.

I was almost ready to post this little poem when I was informed, via Violet Blue, that Sasha Grey had announced her retirement from porn. So I’d like to dedicate it to Sasha for all her years of wonderful service and for all the joy she’s brought into this world… and which was then discretely wiped away with a tissue. Thank you Sasha.

This is (not a) sonnet XXX

Oh porn… How do I love thee? Let me count the ways
Mags, books and VHS. Internet, 3-D and Blu-ray.
Since tiny teen with nary downy-fuzz around my cock
Reading Jackie Collins novels and humping pair of socks.

Glossy ads for lingerie, coming off (In the Sale)
Playtex: Cross-Your-Heart, utter filth beyond the pale
Back of bus, girly-mags passed through grubby mitts
Eyes a-gog at tits and arse and the pink and hairy bits.

See Linda Lovelace on VHS. Bambi Woods on DVD
Late at night head-phones, so they won’t catch me.
From Golden Age to Gonzo. Annette Haven to Sasha Grey
Countless scenes of horny dreams, viewed all night and day.

Well actually most were at night, when quiet was the house
…And not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.

Yeah…I watched on December 25th, the holiest of hols
Offed my rocks, waxed my wang and got my Xmas jolls.
And pretty much every other day whenever I felt the need
Turned it on, lubed it up and proudly did the dirty deed.

Now inter-webs made it easier to satisfy all porn desires
For cock or cunt or whatever else stokes your carnal fires
And what of the lucky ones, paid to wank on streaming-cam
I tried once but not much dosh, viewing a fat and ugly man.

Now I’m not into whipping chicks or Bears or Trans or pee
But if every fuckers having fun then you’re alright with me
I’m just a simple man wanting love from a like-minded mate
But till that day I’m watching vids of 12 guys, one girl, one plate.

But whatever your favourite porn is, to which you want to fap
It’s all the same and always ends with some organ leaking sap
Here’s hoping for a big one. May it cause your toes to curl
I wish you all a happy sticky cum, you freaky boyz and gurlz.

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Images courtesy of theft via Google Images. Sorry about that! I only just discovered the Slideshow option (Isn’t WordPress cool?) and went a little crazy.