I just had an ice-cream related thought

I read this on Her Random Musings:

And so I need to sleep! But before I do – I bought a corset and as the first person to buy one it gets named after me. I asked them to call it Phoenix rather than my name – it suits it better!

You can find it here I think it’s so very cool that I have a corset named after me!!

And left my comment of:

That is so cool having a corset named after you. I think the only thing that could top that would be to have an ice-cream named after you.

It then occurred to ask this question of everyone:

If you were a tub of ice-cream, what kind would you be? Don’t just limit yourself to the standard flavours such as Chocolate, Hokey Pokey, Chunky Monkey, Cookies & Cream etc. If you could create an ice-cream to mirror how you see yourself, what would it be? Are you extra creamy? Are you sweet or tarty, crunchy or chewy? Would you prefer to be dipped in rich chocolate or rolled in colourful sprinkles?

My initial thoughts were I’d be something hidden in the back of the freezer, with a lid which is difficult to get off. I’d probably be plain vanilla but the really good kind. Unfortunately that quality is overwhelmed by having way too many nuts and jelly beans in the mix.

What does your ice-cream say about you?

Image via Free-Extras

New Zealand Woman’s Weekly… I approve!

I saved this one for the afternoon.

There is nothing more civilized than freshly baked goods for morning tea. That pleasure, of course, all depends on how good the end product tastes in relation to how much effort went into its production. So for a very simple recipe these Cinnamon puffs surprised me by being exceedingly tasty. Therefore I thought I’d show my appreciation by passing on the recipe from the New Zealand Woman’s Weekly.

Cinnamon puffs

Ready in 30 minutes, makes 16 puffs.

These are super! You may think we have made a mistake using 80g of melted butter for the cinnamon coating, but you do need it. Served warm, they are as good as a donut – without the extra work.

• 2 cups flour
• 3 tsp baking powder
• ½ tsp salt
• 125g very cold butter
• ¾ cup milk

Cinnamon coating

• 80g melted butter
• ½ cup sugar
• 2 tsp cinnamon

1. Heat oven to 190ºC fan bake.

2. Set out a baking tray. Do not grease.

3. Sift the flour, baking powder and salt into a large bowl. Grate the cold butter into the mix and blend with a knife or loosen with your hands until the mix is crumbly.

4. Stir in milk with a fork just until the mix holds together and forms a ball.

5. Turn dough onto a lightly floured bench and knead very lightly – about 7 fold. Press and turn movements.

6. After kneading, divide dough into 16 parts and roll each into a smooth ball.

7. Place balls on an ungreased baking sheet and bake for 15 minutes.

8. Place melted butter in a bowl and combine the sugar and cinnamon in another bowl. While the scones are warm, remove from the tray and roll each in melted butter, then in the cinnamon and sugar mixture. Serve straightaway.

Would you like some cow to go with that coffee?

This is absolutely fascinating:

The primary distinction between cane sugar and beet sugar, other than being derived from different plants, is the processing method. Unlike beet sugar, cane sugar processing typically takes place at two locations, the sugar mill and the refinery. During the final purification process, cane sugar is filtered through activated carbon (charcoal) which may be of animal, vegetable, or mineral origin. This step is unnecessary for beet sugar and therefore is never done.

Over half of the cane refineries in the United States use bone char (charcoal made from animal bones) as their activated carbon source. The bone char used in this filtering process is so far removed from its animal source that cane sugar processed in this method is deemed kosher pareve, which, according to Jewish dietary laws, means that it contains no meat or milk in any form as an ingredient. A number of vegans disagree with this perspective. – Grass Roots Veganism

Thanks, The space between for this interesting fact. Every day’s a school day.

How did we entertain ourselves before the internet came along?

Day: 4,825 without the internet.

OK that might be a slight exaggeration but it’s starting to feel like it. I went to bed Tuesday night and it was working fine but come Wednesday morning there were issues. I wasn’t too worried as it had played up before and all it usually needed was to reboot the router. Anyway for once I had more important things to do than sit at the computer and be entranced by reading and watching what other people did while they weren’t sitting at there’s. My sister and her family were on the way down from Auckland for Easter. So there was the obligatory cleaning to hide the reality that most of the time I live a very dusty existence. I even went outside and mowed the lawn and finally there was the baking. There was the favourite Lemon Cake, a batch of Chocolate-Chocolate Muffins and a Chocolate Cake with caramel icing. You would think with all that positive karma accrued the internet would fix itself but unfortunately it doesn’t work like that.

After much cursing and de-powering and re-powering of the little grey box we discovered a problem with the ADSL filter on the phone line. We replaced it and YAY, everything worked and we had internet once again. Email could be checked and Twitter could be perused and then have the scary realisation that Skynet had become self-aware and this must be the reason our internet was playing up AND TOMORROW IS JUDGEMENT DAY!

You may scoff but mere hours later the router died a final tragic death. So this is why I am writing this missive now, Thursday morning, with the uncertainty of if it will ever be seen. Whether due to the machines taking over or the length of time it takes for the new router to arrive I cannot say as yet.

As you can imaging last night without connection was a slight struggle. It is very easy to go without the internet as a matter of choice but when that choice is taken away you start jonesing for some on-line interaction. I could have used my phone but due to being short-sighted and the screen being so small it just wasn’t worth it. So after countless games of solitaire I gave up, turned of the computer, and watched Gigi on DVD.

(The courier arrived with the new router and it only took me three hours to get connected. Thank you Andrew. So now back to the story)

Now I love watching Gigi and it is one musical that you can watch repeatedly, and have a sing-a-long to (as long as I’m alone), but I do wonder if you could make something like it in this day-and-age. Maurice Chevalier was 70 when he sang “Thank heaven for little girls” and the little 15-year old girl in question is being trained by her family to be a courtesan. Leslie Caron may have been 27 when she played the character but you still have to suspend your modern-day sensibilities to watch and enjoy such a charming flick.

How much the world has changed was brought home to me today when I was in the library and happened to smile at a little girl who was sitting on the floor in front of the shelf I was perusing. I honestly gave her a friendly smile but it didn’t stop her from scuttling across the floor to her mother. I guess there really is only one Maurice Chevalier or maybe it’s just a French thing or maybe this scruffy Lent beard really needs to come off, now!

So now that I’ve got the internet back I can stop typing but to give this post a nice finish I’ll give you the recipe for the chocolate cake.

Chocolate Cake

175g Butter
1/2 Cup Water
4 Tablespoon Cocoa
3 Cup Self-Raising Flour
2 Cup Caster Sugar
1 Cup Milk
1 Teaspoon Vanilla
2 Eggs

Combine butter, water and sifted cocoa in a saucepan. Stir over a low heat till the butter has melted all ingredients have combined. Remove from heat and allow to cool.
Sift flour and sugar into bowel. Add milk, vanilla and slightly beaten eggs. Mix well.
Then add the cocoa mix and beat well.
Pour into a lined 30X32 cm tin (12X13 in). Bake for 35-40 minutes at 180-190⁰c

Caramel Icing

55g (2oz) Butter
1/2 Cup Brown Sugar
2 Tablespoon Milk
1 1/2 Cup Icing Sugar
1/2 Teaspoon Vanilla

Melt butter then add the brown sugar.
Stir 2 minutes. Add the milk. Don’t boil.
Remove from heat. Beat in icing sugar, vanilla
Add extra milk if needed.

Today is the day to have both your cake and eat it.

It's Cake and Cunnilingus Day http://www.cakeandcunnilingus.com/—
Ms Naughty (@msnaughty) April 14, 2011

Twitter has just informed me today is Cake and Cunnilingus Day! Thank you, Ms Naughty.

How did I not know about this?

On one level the whole thing is moot as I don’t have a girlfriend to celebrate it with. I know that March 14^th is pretty cool for guys with its “Steak and Blowjob Day.” But honestly I’m not really a steak person and much more in favour of the cake thing. Also, if I’m being really honest, I much prefer to “go down” than be gone down on. Hey, I’m not saying I don’t like having my cock sucked. What man doesn’t? But I really, Really, REALLY do get off on getting the ladies off. Maybe it’s because I like giving pleasure, or being in control, or maybe I just like sticking my tongue in some yummy lady bits but I can’t think of a better way to spend a quiet afternoon… and evening… and into the wee hours; where I’m sorry to say I have to stop because my jaw is totally numb (but give me a couple hours rest and I’ll be ready to go again).

I thought I’d go to Google Images and grab some appropriate (or should it be inappropriate?) photos to illustrate this most joyous of days. Hey I’d even be happy to go buy a nice greeting card for the occasion if I thought Hallmark did one. But I was shocked, appalled and totally o_O by the result I got. I typed in “Cunnilingus” (Safe-Search set to moderate) and the first photo I got was of new born panda twins. WTF! Now you can make some sexist generalisation about chicks liking cuddly pandas and all things cutesy BUT NOT WHILE SHE’S HAVING HER PUSSY EATEN! No wonder so many women are unsatisfied in the bedroom and don’t tell me it’s all because of the romance novels and rat porn.

Image via Erotic Art Of Pompei

So after searching through all the porn, which disappointedly was mainly girl-on-girl (come on guys do your bit), I came across this lovely shot which I think encapsulates the true meaning of the day. While we all like to think we invented sex (I have a patent pending for the 69 position) the act of muff-diving is as old as time and been celebrated just as long.

But since I can’t love me a lady today I offer up this favourite recipe for a lemon cake instead.

Bon Appetit!

Fresh Lemon Loaf

125 g (4 oz.) butter
1 cup castor sugar
2 eggs
1 cup self-raising flour
1/2 cup plain flour
1/2 cup milk
1/2 teaspoon salt
2 teaspoons grated lemon rind
———-
1/3 cup lemon juice
1/4 cup castor sugar, extra
———-
Cream butter and sugar until light and fluffy.
Add eggs one at a time, beat well after each addition.
Sift flour and salt, add alternatively with milk; add lemon rind
Pour into greased 20cm x 10cm (8in. X 4in.) loaf tin, bake in oven at 190-200⁰C (375-400⁰F) for 40 to 45 minutes.
———-
Mix lemon juice with extra sugar; stir until sugar dissolves.
When cake is cooked and hot from oven, pour over the lemon mixture.
Leave to cool in tin.

The Australian Woman’s Weekly. (1972). 100 Favourite Cakes. Sydney: Golden Press.