Lovers

This is another of those “Five-minute Facebook poems”. Her message to me was only three words long but that’s all it took to inspire me.

Time for kisses and naked cuddles
Loving, arms and legs a muddle
Roll about amongst tangled sheets
Lips and loins impassioned meet

Basest hunger feeds our fire
Thrusting, tasting, builds desire
Till crescendo joyous crashes
Screaming quiver, back nail-scratches

Now all quiet, just heavy breathing
Fingers clutching, no one’s leaving
Smiles and whispers, till into slumber
Off to dream of loves sweet wonder

Image via Cyber Lovers

It’s time for some good old fashioned porn

I was chatting on Facebook to a certain someone and as usual, she got me a little worked up. So I wrote this for her. She liked it. *Grin* It didn’t take me long to write as the words and thoughts flowed like… Well, you know what they flowed like. I was in that mind space where all that mattered was my most base emotions. Sometimes I can be sentimental and sometimes I can be amusing, but sometimes it’s all about the sex.

A porny poem for Peaches

She likes to sit atop a cock
Or be taken from the rear.
Slap her arse, squeeze her tits
And then whisper in her ear.

“I’m gonna fuck you hard and fast
till you squirt your girly cum.
Then I’ll give you my thick loads
In your cunt, your mouth and bum.

Come here Peaches, strip for me
And lay your body on this bed.
Spread your legs, your wet pink folds
Because I want to give you head.

I want to taste you in my mouth
To tongue-fuck, suck and lick.
Then move my body over yours
So your throat can take my dick.

I’m gonna pleasure all of you
Painted toe to glossy hair.
Make you moan, scream and yell
Tied, bent over handy chair.

And then the real fun begins,
Hear that knock upon the door?
That’s my friends, and their cocks
Here to treat you as their whore.

We’ll use your body. We won’t stop
Till the hours way past dusk.
Till we’ve sated all desires
All your fantasies and lusts.

With final cum, we’ll all be done
And my friends I’ll bid adieu.
Just you and I, entwined we’ll sleep
So our bodies can renew.

Peaches, did you like the rhyme?
Did all the naughtiness appeal?
I hope so, for on a day quite soon
Maybe we can try all this for real?”

Image via Vintageporn

This is how my mind works on a Monday

I was reading the post from the World According to Woman about re-chargeable sex toys and going “Green” and couldn’t help but think about what alternative ways there were to power a vibrator.

I considered the possibility of something simple you could wind up…

Or maybe something more sophisticated like an elegant timepiece created by the finest Swiss clockmaker… But in the end I went with this as the best way to power or recharge a sex toy…

How To Build A Bicycle Generator

The intention of this project is to build a straight forward human powered generator from a used bicycle and to use it to power light bulbs, blenders, cell phones, laptops, and other small appliances. This project will help one develop engineering skills while learning about a clean way of generating electricity.

The project was created as part of Infrastructure Academy’s environmental technology curriculum for high school students, so it is intended to be both achievable and affordable.

You may laugh but let me put forward what I think are a few good points which make this highly practical.

• Educational: Get your child to build it (for you) for their Science Fair. They don’t need to know the real reason you want it. (This could be the deciding factor that gets them into a good university. You DO want them to go to a good university, don’t you?)
  
• Environmental Cred: Do you ever feel guilty for driving around in that gas-guzzling car of yours? Well with this you can, with a clear conscience, tell the  next smelly tree-hugger who gives you a dirty look to “Fuck off”.
• Practical: There is nothing more boring than a power outage. The electricity goes off and suddenly you have no light, TV or internet access. What do you do? With this contraption in the house you could power some appliances or charge up a toy and then go to bed and fuck yourself silly.
• Exercise: No one likes going to the gym. You sweat your guts out and maybe, just maybe, you lose some weight. That’s no incentive to get on a bike. However if you had the guarantee of an orgasm at the end of your ride then this would be a form of exercise that everyone would be happy to partake of.
• BDSM Friendly: For those into the “Scene”, what says Dom more than ordering your sub (dressed in a latex body suit and ball-gag) to do a few hours in the saddle to charge up a vibe or power your Electro Stimulation Sex Toys?
• Extra Kinky: Plus for those who want it a little more hardcore, then how about replace the bicycle seat with some kind of dildo or butt-plug for the ultimate gift that keeps on giving and giving and…

OK, maybe I’ve over-thought all of this but there’s nothing wrong with having an active imagination, now is there?

You’ve shown me yours so I’ll show you mine

I had the house to myself this morning and with it being nice and sunny I decided to give myself a haircut. For me, this meant getting naked and going out to the backyard with the re-chargeable clippers. Doing it in the garden, au natural, saves on the clean-up and I like to think I’m doing the birds-nest building industry a major favour.

I love it. It’s always great fun and there’s no better feeling than having your balls kissed by a warm autumn sun or your cock get a teasing blow job from a prevailing breeze. What about the neighbours? Don’t worry, I’m discrete, as I have no wish to offend or be arrested.

I’ve always been one for going naked when the opportunity arose. Not in a sexual context but the simple pleasure of being unencumbered by the restraints of clothes and the society that imposes them upon us. I really wish I had the body and the confidence to do it more. Mostly though, I’m restricted to dancing round the house like a mad man with the music blaring as loud as possible.

Unfortunately with the house still full of Easter visitors my naked dancing will have to wait till I have the house to myself again. Until then I’ll do the next best thing and give you the list of my favourite YouTube naked music videos.

The Brighton Port Authority, featuring David Byrne & Dizzee Rascal – Toe Jam

This is how I envision orgies from the 70′s to be. The joy of pre-AIDS shagging in the shag pile. I am of course referring to actual carpet and not 70′s untrimmed pubic hair.

Queen - Bicycle Race

In 1978 we have 65 naked women cycling around a greyhound track. This, my friends, is pure ROCK ‘N’ ROLL. We miss you, Freddy.

Make The Girl Dance – Baby Baby Baby

I have no idea what is being said but it doesn’t matter. It’s in French so you know it’s Le Cool.

Alanis Morissette – Thank U

While she is naked and a very beautiful woman I like this one because of the naked sentiment. It’s more “Aww” than “AWW YEAH!“

Massive Attack – Paradise Circus

You might think this one is here because of the spread legs and vulva shots but the truth is I have a massive hard-on for bunny ears. Get me drunk enough and I’d probably do a dude if he was wearing bunny ears.

British Sea Power – Who’s In Control

Up till now it has all been about naked women. So here’s one for you cock-lovers, with some full frontal male nudity.

Related articles

• Naked (nofullstops.com)
• 8 Reasons You Should Be Naked More Often (andeecomics.wordpress.com)

Celebrating Feminist Smut in 3D

2009 trophy

I’ve been reminded that it’s the Good For Her, 2012, Feminist Porn Awards in a couple of weeks. So to mark the upcoming festivities I thought I’d do like James Cameron did and dust off some old material, give it the 3D treatment and then pass it off as something new and exciting. I actually think I did a better job than Jimmy C. No boats for me though but there’s always the chance I’ll get a chilly reception and sink.

At the moment I’m a little short on poems and blog ideas so I’ve decided to go back to April 2010 and pull out a post I wrote about the Feminist Porn Awards. In that post I proposed a theory on why, between 2006 – 2009, they used butt-plugs as their winners trophies. It was written in the form of a two-person conversation. So now it seems the obvious thing to use my latest toy, Xtranormal, to tell it in a more lively and animated fashion.

I just had an ice-cream related thought

I read this on Her Random Musings:

And so I need to sleep! But before I do – I bought a corset and as the first person to buy one it gets named after me. I asked them to call it Phoenix rather than my name – it suits it better!

You can find it here I think it’s so very cool that I have a corset named after me!!

And left my comment of:

That is so cool having a corset named after you. I think the only thing that could top that would be to have an ice-cream named after you.

It then occurred to ask this question of everyone:

If you were a tub of ice-cream, what kind would you be? Don’t just limit yourself to the standard flavours such as Chocolate, Hokey Pokey, Chunky Monkey, Cookies & Cream etc. If you could create an ice-cream to mirror how you see yourself, what would it be? Are you extra creamy? Are you sweet or tarty, crunchy or chewy? Would you prefer to be dipped in rich chocolate or rolled in colourful sprinkles?

My initial thoughts were I’d be something hidden in the back of the freezer, with a lid which is difficult to get off. I’d probably be plain vanilla but the really good kind. Unfortunately that quality is overwhelmed by having way too many nuts and jelly beans in the mix.

What does your ice-cream say about you?

Image via Free-Extras

My first YouTube upload… I am now a man

I’d love to video myself reading my poems and then upload them to YouTube but the quantity of alcohol I’d need to consume for courage would probably kill me. So this is likely to be the extent of my video fame.

A first attempt at using Xtranormal and I’m pleased with it. I had no idea how it would go so that’s why I used one of my shorter poems. More camera angles would have been nice but unfortunately I didn’t know what I was doing and the desktop version I was using kept crashing. So I’m grateful for what I’ve got.

This is spam

What I hate about spam is that it’s so obvious. The quality of writing is usually so bad you know it’s either created by people who don’t understand basic grammar, speak the language or simply don’t care enough to do a decent job. Where’s a Nigerian prince when you need one? So I was quite pleased when I came across this in my WordPress spam folder. It’s spam but at least it’s interesting and well written enough to get me to read it. Well done, bedwetting spammers.

I slept in today because I was off work, and about thirty minutes after I normally wake up in the mornings, I wet my bed. The weird thing is, I was dreaming that I was literally in my own bathroom, sitting on my own toilet. Obviously, it was very realistic. I guess I must have had a full bladder, because I reacted to the dream, but jolted out of sleep as soon as I realized what I was doing and cleaned up. I’m really freaked out. Even as a child, I never, ever wet the bed. . . I’ve been looking up reasons for this, and I’ve read everything from cancer of the bladder to kidney stones to an infection to a psychological response to stress. Is it possible that I have a medical issue? Or did I just drink too much before bed, not use the bathroom at the time I normally do, and thus dream about peeing and wet my bed? It’s was a very weird experience, so I’m pretty worried..

Now that I think about it, this would make a great opening paragraph for a story about golden…

Never mind. It may be spam but I presume copyright would still prevail. How ignominious it would be to write a story, publish it, and then be on the wrong end of a take down notice from some spammer for copyright infringement? Oh the shame. lol

New Zealand Woman’s Weekly… I approve!

I saved this one for the afternoon.

There is nothing more civilized than freshly baked goods for morning tea. That pleasure, of course, all depends on how good the end product tastes in relation to how much effort went into its production. So for a very simple recipe these Cinnamon puffs surprised me by being exceedingly tasty. Therefore I thought I’d show my appreciation by passing on the recipe from the New Zealand Woman’s Weekly.

Cinnamon puffs

Ready in 30 minutes, makes 16 puffs.

These are super! You may think we have made a mistake using 80g of melted butter for the cinnamon coating, but you do need it. Served warm, they are as good as a donut – without the extra work.

• 2 cups flour
• 3 tsp baking powder
• ½ tsp salt
• 125g very cold butter
• ¾ cup milk

Cinnamon coating

• 80g melted butter
• ½ cup sugar
• 2 tsp cinnamon

1. Heat oven to 190ºC fan bake.

2. Set out a baking tray. Do not grease.

3. Sift the flour, baking powder and salt into a large bowl. Grate the cold butter into the mix and blend with a knife or loosen with your hands until the mix is crumbly.

4. Stir in milk with a fork just until the mix holds together and forms a ball.

5. Turn dough onto a lightly floured bench and knead very lightly – about 7 fold. Press and turn movements.

6. After kneading, divide dough into 16 parts and roll each into a smooth ball.

7. Place balls on an ungreased baking sheet and bake for 15 minutes.

8. Place melted butter in a bowl and combine the sugar and cinnamon in another bowl. While the scones are warm, remove from the tray and roll each in melted butter, then in the cinnamon and sugar mixture. Serve straightaway.

Winter is coming!

I’m being literal here. This isn’t a reference to the upcoming second season of Game of Thrones. A program I never watched due to being put off by the books. I think I read the first three and then gave up on the series. It was too dark, no idea where it was heading, and had too many characters with too many story-lines.

Winter is coming and I’m looking forward to it. I’ll admit I don’t like the short days or freezing nights but these cooler months do have their advantages: They allow me to hide all that extra weight under bulky clothing. Weight I’ll acquire from heaped helpings of tummy warming casseroles which I’ll consume before a roaring fire. Then there’s the simple pleasure of walking through the crunchy swathes of dried leaves while enjoying the scent of wood smoke carried on a crisp and cheek chilling wind. The inevitable rain isn’t too bad either as long as you’re prepared for it. There’s nothing more meditative than listening to it drumming on the roof or watching it overflow the bird bath in the back garden.

But the best part of winter has to be being in bed. I don’t mean hibernating all winter like a bear. I may be a little hairy but I’m not that bad. No, what I mean is the pleasure of snuggling down beneath layers of duvets, blankets and bedspreads to enjoy that comfy cave of cosiness. Is there anything more satisfying than poking your head out into the chill of the morning, deciding it’s too cold and then retreating back beneath the covers for “five more minutes” before the alarm-clock rouses you again?

The coming Winter also means it’s time for new flannelette pyjamas. I know at my age I shouldn’t take such pleasure in wearing a pattern such as this but I just can’t help myself. This years purchase stands up well against last years penguin patterned set and look cool, stylish and what all the fashionable people in… Let me check the label… Bangladesh, are wearing this season.

So that’s my thoughts on this wet and grey day. Winter is coming and while the months ahead may be cold and bleak they can have a silver lining. To all things there’s an upside and all you have to do is be positive and look for it. Winter may be coming but eventually so will the Spring.