The Literotica Poetry Challenge

That last poem was fun. The beginning was a gift and jumped out at me like a naked man from the bushes. The ending however was harder and I agonised over it, as you would the aftermath of a bad curry, right up till the moment I pressed publish. I have to Thank Molly once again for kindly allowing me to use her photo. A poem should be able to stand on its own but this one was born from an image so it made sense to have that sweet visage accompany and illustrate the text.

I can now tick “Illustrated” off my list. “What?”, you ask. Let me explain.

As a rule, I don’t like to repeat the same theme in my poems. How many times can you read about anal fisting before it gets boring? This means I’m constantly searching for new ideas and as my sex life is non-existent I’m forced to live vicariously through everyone else’s rumpy-pumpy. Therefore I was very happy to come across this comment in a post on One Handed Writers.

I published my first piece on Literotica. It was so fun and enjoyable (not to mention encouraging and ego boosting!) that it became my goal to offer one piece for every category Literotica offered. – Lesa

What an obvious and brilliant idea. Use the thirty-two categories on Literotica as a guide and inspiration of what to write next. Check-off all I’ve done to see how much of a range I have and what else I could rhyme about in the future.

Going through the list of categories, I think I did OK. If I was giving out a mark I’d say it was a C+ with the obligatory comment of “Huff, lacks discipline and focus. He needs to apply himself more.”

But what haven’t I written a poem about?

• Gay Male – Men loving men.
• Group Sex – Orgies, swingers, and others.
• How To – Advice and suggestions from our readers/authors.
• Incest/Taboo – Keeping it in the family.
• Interracial Love – It’s all black & white, and white & Asian, and…
• Lesbian Sex – Women who love other women.
• Mature – May / December lust & love affairs.
• Mind Control – Erotic hypnosis and mind control.
• Non-English – Erotic stories in other languages.
• NonConsent/Reluctance – Fantasies of control.
• NonHuman – Aliens, ghosts, androids, and more.
• Transsexuals & Crossdressers – Erotic tales of gender bending fun.

The only category that worries me is Non-English. I can speak Bad-English but alas Non-English is beyond me. Now, in hindsight, I know I should have learnt some foreign gibber-gabber but unsurprisingly I was very lazy at school and never learnt to read the future. That class was an elective and I did macramé instead.

They say the easiest way to learn a language is to immerse yourself in it. I know this works from an episode of The Simpsons, where Bart goes to France. Unfortunately this method didn’t work for me. I really did try but the women in the French porn I watched were very loud and drowned out everybody else with their constant “OUI, OUI, OUI…” I’m a little better with German but there are only so many times you can use “Sauge meine schwanz” and “Fotze ficker” before someone kicks you out the church or throws cabbages at you… or both.

NonConsent/Reluctance won’t be too difficult as we’ll have great fun playing with consensual non-consent. If I’m allowed to quote myself “The rules of this game were simple. If he could catch her he could have her, any way “she” wanted.”

The Incest/Taboo will be of the “pseudo” variety for the obvious reasons of taste, decency and it gives me the heebie-jeebies to think of anything else. Is it still taboo to bang your mother-in-law or merely cliché?

Group, Lesbian, and Non-Human poems will be fun. Maybe I could combine all three? How do you feel about an all-woman vampire orgy? No, that would be cheating. The rule is, one poem for each category. I’m not saying we can’t have an all-woman vampire orgy but it would only count towards one category.

I suppose you’re wondering about the Gay Male poem? I don’t see a problem with it. I did that bi-sexual threesome poem but I’m pretty sure it doesn’t count as gay (I think). My poems, so my rules and I say it ain’t proper gay till only same-sex partners are involved. Anyway, how hard can it be (no pun intended)? I’ve been playing with cock all my life. OK, it’s my cock… but really, what’s the difference? Whatever way you swing, male sex is all the same. There’s the handjob, followed by a blowjob and then you stick your cock somewhere warm, wet and tight. You may have to provide your own lubricant but that’s no bother. I had to do the same thing with the mother-in-law. I’m not even worried about the stubble burn as I’ve gone down on plenty of women in my life who have been behind in their gardening duties. The only thing I’ll miss are the boobs but hopefully that will be balanced out by not having to cuddle post-coitus. We might be gay but we’re still men.

OK, it’s time to go and do some research. Let’s go watch some porn where all the women have a surprisingly distinct Adam’s Apple.